With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
