We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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