Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
