i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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