the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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