The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
