the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
