I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
