Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
