This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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