3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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