He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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