morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
