omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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