i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
