Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
