I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
