I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
