I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize