I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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