im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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