Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
