Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
