I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
