just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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