and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
