Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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