As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
