i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
