You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
