the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
