that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
