I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
