my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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