How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
