I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
