Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
