i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
