party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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