They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
