I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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