I hate your face
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
