nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
