I wish my penis had an off switch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
