i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
