i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
