We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
