did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
