If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
