I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
