Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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