Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
