My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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