it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
