You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
