Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
