is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
