Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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