this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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