I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
