Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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