my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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