Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
