Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize