I'm going to jail i love you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
